Heck yeah, this summer has been a glorious, long, popsiclepalooza of family fun and adventure, but that didn’t stop your precious pups from finding things big and small and really really stupid to get their Underoos in a twist about. Where’s the delight in that? Who would they be if they actually enjoyed the two-and-a-half month long break from responsibility without making a peep? Here’s a list that covers just about everything that caused an irrational pouty lip, whine-fest, or foot stomp this summer that made you roll your eyes until it hurt.
1. Heat.
2. Air conditioning.
3. Her tank tops were too scratchily.
4. Sunscreen took too long to put on.
5. He got a slight sunburn on one shoulder from where he deliberately rubbed off the sunscreen because it was too white.
6. Her rainbow Popsicle didn’t arrive in actual Roy G. Biv color order.
7. There was nothing fun to do near home.
8. Car rides were too long.
9. Sand.
10. The beach smelled like ocean
11. He wanted to play in the waves but they kept moving.
12. Condensation dripping from the $8 frozen lemonade you splurged on for her when visiting the kid’s beachside amusement park.
13. She cut herself on the sharp shells you told her not to touch because there were perfectly safe, unbroken shells right next to them.
14. There was nothing to do at the beach.
15. You left the beach too soon.
16. Siblings.
17. Flop-flops were so flip-floppy.
18. Sneakers made her feet sweat but sandals were too sandal-y.
19. He didn’t get a treat from the ice cream truck every time he heard its music.
20. His ice cream truck treat melted.
21. She slept in too long.
22. The bathrooms at the summer camp where she spent her days surrounded by friends doing six of her top seven favorite activities were a little stinky sometimes, thus ruining everything.
23. He missed seeing his friends at school.
24. Fireflies only came out at night.
25. The grass was too tickly when you set up the sprinkler on it for her to run through.
26. The amusement park only sold pink cotton candy and she wanted blue cotton candy, which tastes totally different, duh.
27. The outdoor concert wasn’t inside.
28. Folding chairs
29. You never bought the snacks he liked when you went to the grocery store without him.
30. Going to the grocery store with you so he could pick out the snacks he liked was pure torture.
31. Tractor rides from the hay maze to the bouncy house at the farm’s family day were so loud.
32. Berry picking sounded way more fun than it actually was and he didn’t want to eat that small fortune in berries he picked, after all.
33. Her Grandparents’ houses only had old people stuff in them.
34. He had to wear a shirt each time you took him to a restaurant.
35. The mall play area had too many kids in it.
36. Movie theater popcorn.
37. You snuck in candy to the movies for him that he decided the day before he didn’t like anymore.
38. The boardwalk at the beach needed to be vacuumed.
39. Friends’ houses had rules, too.
40. The color of garden hoses.
41. The bakery didn’t have cinnamon chip muffins that one time.
42. You told him to watch where he was going on the sidewalk but he didn’t and stepped in melted sidewalk gum, which stuck to his shoe and then his world collapsed forever all because of you.
43. Netflix only had two seasons of that new show she discovered.
44. You asked them to clean the playroom to make it easier for them to find their favorite toys in there.
45. The sprayground wasn’t open during thunderstorms even though she’d never go outside in a thunderstorm because they terrify her but still on principal they should be open even when it rains.
46. You got mad when she asked the particularly hairy person at the pool whether he was part Wookee.
47. You didn’t clap enthusiastically enough during that cartwheel.
48. The pool’s fruit cups had pineapple in them.
49. The summer reading list which consisted of two books she already wanted to read.
50. The petting zoo let them see the pigs but not pet them.
51. Gift shops with too many choices to pick from.
52. Amusement parks had a couple rides she wasn’t tall enough for.
53. Hats.
54. You took them on that hike in the woods they had been asking to do since the first snow last winter but there were so many plants and bugs.
55. Bubbles popped too quickly.
56. The chalk kept getting on her hands when she used it.
57. The ice pops you made with them at home tasted healthy.
58. The big family vacation didn’t sound like it would be enough time to do all the things they wanted to do on it.
59. The authentic luau they attended on vacation didn’t serve mac and cheese.
60. The big family vacation was going on too long and they wanted to just go home.
61. Airplane rides.
62. He got a summer cold.
63. There was nothing on TV.
64. The inflatable pool took too long to inflate.
65. Making s’mores was too messy.
66. Camping was too much work.
67. Fishing was too quiet.
68. The library was too loud.
69. Tending to the garden she begged for you to help set up for her and she promised she’d totally be in charge of it from then on.
70. Back-to-school shopping too soon, despite it being an attempt to ensure they got the stuff they needed in the styles they preferred.
71. Back-to-school shopping for last-minute supplies too late.
72. Chores.
73. The sunset was too pink.
74. He took a sip of your unsweetened iced coffee by accident (your fault).
75. You wouldn’t let them put anything dangerous on the scavenger hunt they set up for the neighborhood kids to do with them.
76. She tried to play the alphabet game on the highway but you didn’t drive by any cars or signs containing the letter “Q” probably on purpose.
77. Sunshine.
78. The family who visited didn’t stay long enough.
79. Little cousins touched her toys.
80. Potato chip crumbs stuck to her.
81. The Easy bake oven didn’t actually bake things.
82. There were clowns at the carnival.
83. The Ferris wheel was too high.
84. Making your own ice cream took too long.
85. Canoeing was too tippy.
86. Picnicking was too DIY.
87. You didn’t let her play with the campfire.
88. Why didn’t you ever tell him how delicious barbequed chicken legs were?
89. Corn on the cob always got stuck in her teeth but no she would not stop eating it at every opportunity.
90. Rules.
91. Slippery lanyard bracelet string.
92. Water balloon fights had no real winner.
93. You didn’t let him draw the hopscotch path into the street.
94. Birds never moved into the birdhouses they painted and hung up.
95. Constellations were hard to find.
96. Mini golf was hard.
97. Tadpoles were too wiggly.
98. Pet rocks didn’t move enough.
99. Badminton being spelled b-a-d-m-i-n-t-o-n.
100. Summer night basketball games under the stars.
101. The batting cages ate a quarter of his that one time.
102. That bike ride he took when his sister kept talking to him.
103. The car wash didn’t let them sit in the car as it went through.
104. The flea market didn’t have Pokémon cards.
105. Camp crafts didn’t always include glitter.
106. Sunglasses.
107. Face paint needed to eventually get washed off.
108. The fireworks didn’t last long enough and were too loud.
109. There were definitely snapping turtles somewhere in that lake you let them swim in.
110. Boats.
111. Not enough parades.
112. Hot air balloons were too far away.
113. Getting into the shower after a long day of sweating, sunscreening, and eating melty things.
114. Getting out of the shower.
115. You didn’t have enough tablecloths for them to make the coolest fort ever.
116. The air show was scary a little but not really or maybe it was.
117. Not being allowed to touch the sharks at the zoo.
118. Slip-and-slides were so slippery.
119. Having to walk a lot at zoos.
120. Boredom.
121. Summer break was too short.
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