Parenting Lessons from My Favorite '80s Movies

Parenting books are all fine and dandy, but I’m someone who learns how to do things much more effectively by watching them in action. This also applies to learning what not to do! Luckily for me, I had a childhood rich with movie moms who made absolutely terrible decisions on the regular. They overlooked the obvious, skipped necessary steps to keeping their kids safe, and were so blissfully unaware that I’m not even sure they fully remembered that the small humans around them had sprung from their loins and were in under their care.

Here are some of my favorite childhood movies, and the important lessons the moms in them taught me. I’ve made sure to apply all of these to my parenting practice—well, these and the constant presence of movie theater buttered popcorn, of course.

More Mom Confessions:

What the Movies of My Childhood Taught Me About Parenting

E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial

Lesson: It’s important to check the kids’ bedroom closets thoroughly and ask follow-up questions when there are peculiar trails of candy in the house, for your kids might have allowed an extraterrestrial being to move in without asking permission first.

Photo: Amazon
The Karate Kid

Lesson: Sure, there’s a chance that entrusting your son’s care to the strange man who beat up some of his classmates and gave him a bandana could turn out okay, but that’s rarely the case. Keep an eye on that.

Photo: IMDB
Sixteen Candles

Lesson: No matter how crazy your day–or your family–is, check the calendar to make sure today isn’t a very special day for one of your kids. Say, for example, their birthday. It’s good to keep track of those.

Photo: Amazon
Goonies

Lesson: If your kid and his friends form a gang with the word “goon” in the name, maybe don’t keep your beloved fragile statues of naked men on the coffee table by where they hang out. It's very easy for, uh, junk to get broken.

Photo: Amazon
Cujo

Lesson: If you notice a nasty infected bat bite on a St. Bernard’s nose that looks suspiciously like the beginnings of rabies, don’t bring your kid to hang out at the garage where that giant pup lives a leash-free life.

Photo: Amazon
Stand By Me

Lesson: When your kids are at a sleepover, call at least once to check and confirm they are for real for real at the sleepover, not hunting down a corpse in the woods.

Photo: Amazon
Adventures in Babysitting

Lesson: Be thorough in checking the credentials of those who care for your children, and ensure they don’t do things like get caught in the middle of a violent love triangle, a car jacking, a gang fight, and a frat party, or scale any large office buildings on your dime.

Photo: Amazon
Beetlejuice

Lesson: If your daughter notices your house is being haunted by a nice (dead) couple who want to move back in, believe her and try to befriend them before things get very very weird.

Photo: Amazon
Poltergeist

Lesson: If your youngest child tells you that terrifying spirits intent on haunting your home have arrived, BELIEVE THEM AND LEAVE RIGHT NOW.

Photo: Fox Movies
The Lost Boys

Lesson: If you work on a boardwalk where vampire gangs hang out, let your kids know to be careful not to go near them or else one of them will get turned into a vampire. Which is not good.

Photo: Amazon
Heathers

Lesson: You don’t need to be a helicopter mom, but try not to be so hands-off you let your daughter date a sociopath.

Photo: Amazon
Uncle Buck

Lesson: If you don’t cultivate a solid roster of back-up babysitters, you will have to let a heavy-drinking gambler with poor follow-through watch your kids in a pinch, simply because he’s family.

Photo: Amazon
Gremlins

Lesson: Pets can be great! But if you need to sneak to buy that creature whose name is easily translated to “monster” from the grandson of a shopkeeper who insists it is too dangerous to own, that’s probably not the right pet for your family.

Photo: Amazon